I am here
by Emiliana11
Summary: "When things get crazy ... don't push me away." A little story that was inspired by the picture of Magnus and Alec on the balcony. S02E01
1. Chapter 1

I am here

Hey everyone. I know it has been some time since I last wrote something. But I guess most of you that also write stories know the feeling when you wrote down all you had in your head and inspiration left you … there is nothing to write. Until inspiration is kicking in again. Which it did with that picture of Magnus and Alec on the balcony (*fangirl scream*). It took a few days for the story to build. But now here it is, my version of how I would love for this situation to play. Enjoy ^^

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Chapter 1

It *push* was *push* so *push* utterly *push* frustrating. For the uncountable time Magnus had to realize that life wasn't fair. Not in the slightest.

It had been slightly over a week since he had seen Alexander. Not that he had heard from him either. No text, no message, no call, nada. And it started to eat Magnus away. Their last conversation, if you could call it that, played in his head every time he let his mind wander.

" _You watch the people you care about age and die."_

And the more he thought about it the more he realized that Alec's voice hitched the slightest bit at the word "die". It hurt. It hurt more than it should, oh how could he have fallen so hard so fast. He shouldn't. He couldn't. But he did. By Lilith he fell in love with the Shadowhunter the moment he first laid eyes on him.

It had consumed him within seconds and left him vulnerable, heart beating faster than it ever had in the last decades, faster than any other time when he had fallen in love. And it scared him. Because he was sure that Alec felt something for him, too. But he started to doubt the gravity of the others feelings. What if the kiss was merely a way for Alexander to break free and Magnus had just been … there.

The warlock had to swallow. No, he could not let himself think like that. It would only end in heartache. More than he was already doomed for.

Trying to push this depressing thoughts aside Magnus pushed himself faster and harder from the floor. Working out had been a wonderful way to rid himself of the spare strength and frustration that had piled up during the day. It was not perfect, but it was way better than destroying things or punching the walls.

The burn in his lungs helped him concentrate on other things than his arching heart. It made him forget about the pain, even if it was replaced with a different kind of pain. At least for a bit because the feeling was similar to the way his lungs felt when Alexander looked at him with those big scared eyes, eyes that spoke volumes about what he wanted but was afraid to let himself have. Aaand he was thinking about the Shadowhunter again. Shit. This was not working.

When Magnus let a rather filthy curse leave his lips, he heard the doorbell.

Great, the last thing he needed right now was someone that got on his nerves and with his current state of mind this could be the only outcome.

Regardless Magnus swung himself on his feet and with a scroll on his face grabbed the door handle to pull the door open. And froze.

Before him stood Alexander Gideon Lightwood. He saw how the young Shadowhunter opened his lips to take a breath – surely to say something as a greeting – when the only thing leaving his lips was a startled gasp, his mouth hanging open and his eyes becoming wide.

Alec could not breathe, he couldn't think! When Magnus opened the door, Alec had expected him to wear a glittery extravagant outfit, like he usually wore. But the possibility that he would not wear anything over his chest did not occur to Alec at all.

The moment Alec took Magnus in, he lost his breath and his mouth went dry. He swallowed thickly in vain to get his throat back to work. But no words left him, all he could do was gasp with his mouth hanging open and his eyes to wander over the naked, sweat covered torso of the warlock before him.

Oh by the angel he had fantasized about this. When he was alone in his room in his bed but seeing Magnus shirtless in reality caused him to stand beside himself completely.

In a deep corner of Alec's mind, Magnus words echoed like a whisper " _you lose your breath every time they enter a room_ ".

"Alexander." Magnus said stunned, which brought Alec out of his trance, realizing that he still had not said one word.

"I uh … I was … I wanted …." Oh great, Magnus without a shirt was enough to make him tongue-tied.

Getting a grip on himself Magnus put on a tiny smile and opened the door wider, stepping aside and gesturing for Alec to enter. "Please, come in."

Letting his eyes fall to the floor, Alec walked inside definitively NOT looking at Magnus, or his toned muscular chest, no absolutely not.

But when he was a few steps inside and he raised his head, Alec realized that he stood at the same spot where he stood the last time he was in Magnus loft, when he told him to 'back off'. No this was not helping, it only caused Alec to panic inside. So the only thing he could do was turn around and face Magnus in the process.

With him standing a few feet away it was even easier to take him in, everything of him.

The warlock was wearing comfortable black yoga pants, feet bare and don't get Alec stated on his chest. By the angel he knew that Magnus was muscular, but not like this! The slight film of sweat made his already toned skin shimmer in the light of the setting sun, making him look god-like. His hair was styled, but without any trace of additional color. His eyes were lined with black coal and his lips were an inviting reddish color.

And Alec wanted to kiss him. He could feel the urge arise deep within himself to just cross the few meters that separated them, take Magnus head between his hands and kiss those sinful lips. He wanted to kiss him, needed to. But he couldn't. Not when he could barely breathe. And not without explaining himself why he had not contacted the warlock earlier.

He knew that he hurt Magnus with his behavior, but the situation at the institute was hell. His life consisted of stress and hunting, and searching for Jace without giving him a second to breath. And after this day he could no longer handle it. The need to see this man again had grown so strong that he nearly fled the institute at the first possibility he got.

Lost in his thoughts, Alec did not register that Magnus had closed the distance between them and was now standing barely two feet away. He was looking at him, eyebrows crunched together slightly and eyes full of concern.

"Alexander, are you alright?"

" _Your skin tingles when they stand close enough to feel their breath."_

Taking a much needed breach, or at least trying to, the only answer Alec was able to give was another stutter.

"I can't … I need … air."

The Shadowhunter was not sure if Magnus caught the real meaning behind his words, but the warlocks eyes widened. He swallowed and gestured with one hand to the open balcony doors.

"Of cause, why don't you step onto the balcony for some fresh air? I will follow shortly."

Quickly nodding his thanks, Alec turned around and marched in the pointed direction.

Magnus was following his every step with his eyes. If his suspicion was correct, he had a very good idea why the young man could not breathe properly. Not wanting to disturb Alexander more than he already was, Magnus grabbed the closest and inconspicuous piece of clothing he could find, the gray, sleeveless hoody he was wearing earlier, before he started to sweat which caused him to take it off.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Magnus walked slowly towards the balcony.

When Alec arrived outside he had to grip the railing to steady himself. His heart was beating like crazy. By the angel he knew that Magnus had that effect on him but it had never been so intense. He did not have time for this, this feelings. He had to search and find Jace. The longer he was gone and in the hands of this … monster, the worse it would become. But even though, his feet had brought him here, to Brooklyn, to Magnus.

So deep in thoughts Alec did not notice Magnus stepping on the balcony beside him, causing him to flinch slightly when the other man spoke.

"What brought you here, Alexander? Is everything okay?" Magnus spoke in a gentle hushed way, not wanting to startle the other or making him uncomfortable. When Alec was looking at him, he could already see the inner fight the Shadowhunter was having.

"I am sorry, I should have called you. I know I did not for so long … and now I am just suddenly standing on your doorstep but I just …. I wanted … I needed …"

Swearing for not being able to express himself, Alec runs his hand through his unruly hair. Not being able to look at this magnificent man any longer, Alec casted his eyes down onto the city.

"Nothing is okay Magnus." And he hated how raspy his voice sounded, how hurt. How weak.

"We do not have a clue where Jace could be. My mother even suggested we stop looking for Jace at all because it would be too late. That he went with Valentine willingly and because of that he should be treated as a traitor, too. And … I can barely feel him, our bond is so week sometimes I cannot feel him at all. And I don't know what to do anymore and I can't …"

Alec had to stop, he was rambling and losing control over himself. He had to get himself together.

He looked so lost, all Magnus wanted to do was take him in his arms and hold him. Telling him everything would be okay, that they would find Jace. But he couldn't. He still did not know what Alec was comfortable with him doing and what not. So he decided to raise one of his hands and letting it hover over Alec's arm. Signaling comfort if the young Shadowhunter wanted to accept it.

"What did you try to find him? Did you try using your parabatei-bond? Or maybe the silent Brothers have a way to find him."

"Yes, no. I mean yes we tried what we could, yes we asked the silent brothers but everything leaded to a dead end. No we did not try to use our bond, because it barely exists."

Shaking his head, Alec straightened up.

"I should not even be here, I should be at the institute, Helping. I am sorry I disturbed you. I should go."

Fearing that he would not see Alec again if he let him leave just like that, Magnus sprang into action.

He lowered his hand, as a border that Alec would hopefully not cross, his other hand found its way on the railing, barely an arm's length apart from Alec's.

"Wait, please. Maybe I can help. I could search for a spell to try to track Jace or Valentine."

He spoke so fast but in a low voice. His heart beating fast and painful in his chest. Alec lowered his eyes towards the ground again, not being able to look Magnus in the face any longer, folding into himself, drawing far away from Magnus, maybe too far for Magnus to ever reach him again. And Magnus saw. So he said the only thing that came to mind, something that made him vulnerable but was oh so true.

And the next thing he knew was that Magnus had laid his hand above his own on the railing, a soft reassuring touch.

"When things get crazy, you can always come to me. I will do anything in my power to help you. Just … don't push me away. Please."

This last world made Alec look back up. It sounded so hurt, so broken, so unbelievingly begging.

He never thought he would hear the high warlock of Brooklyn beg. But here he was. Alec saw the hurt in those deep brown eyes. And it was worse than the time when Alec told the warlock that he would get married. Because this hurt was also caused by him, but it was also for him. And that Alec could hardly bear.

Slowly he started to withdraw his hand from Manus.

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And this is all for now. Originally I planned for a short one shot … but my story ran away with me again, which I am sure you don't mind. But guys I am so excited with the trailer for season 2 that came put yesterday and the pictures. And this one comment where the producers said that they will top the wedding kiss from s1 in s2 – I hope it is real – and oh my gosh I can't wait for this to happen.  
See you next chapter and tell me what you think ^^


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone. Thank you sooo much for your comments. I am glad that you like this story. So here is the second chapter for you.

Have fun ^^

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Chapter 2

He withdraws his hand from under that warlock's, and even though Alec was sure Magnus tried to hide it, he saw the hurt and rejection in those eyes. But Alec had no intention of letting go of the others hand, he just wanted to deepen the contact. When his hand was halfway free from under Magnus hand, he lifted his fingers and linked them with Magnus', giving his hand a light squeeze.

"I don't want to." His voice was rough, low. And it was true. He did not want to push Magnus away. On the contrary. All he wanted to do at this moment was take Magnus in his arms and hold onto him, and be held by him. He wanted to bury his face in his neck and inhale his scent, letting it calm him down, grounding him.

His answer put a tentative smile to the warlock's lips, and he felt him squeezing back. But as fast as it came it was gone again.

"Then let me help you, Alexander. Please. Let me help."

Magnus took a step closer to the Shadowhunter, and Alec's eyes never left his, couldn't. He was mesmerized by the feelings he could see in those eyes, feelings he knew the other could see in his eyes too, if he would let him.

Everything had been too much. The pressure from the clave, the expectations from everyone, especially his mother. Alec knew that he could not deal with this alone anymore, he needed help, he needed Magnus.

Sighing slightly in defeat, Alec nodded his hand whispering a small "okay".

And that was enough for Magnus.

Alec watched him for a moment, waiting if the warlock would take another step. But he didn't. He stayed where he was barely moving. With his heart beating painfully fast against his ribs, Alexander closed his eyes and leaned forward. His forehead touched Magnus' and finally he felt a slight amount of peace. He could hear Magnus gasp, felt the pressure of the others forehead as it was pressed against his, a symbol of support.

He did not know how long they stood like this, basking in the each other's comfort. Just standing, just breathing. Next to each other.

Unknown to Alec, Magnus was searching through his head for a spell ore something that could help him find Jace. And when he found a solution, he spoke softly. Like he was afraid to destroy this rare peaceful moment between them.

"There is a spell that could work."

Upon hearing this, Alec opened his eyes only to stare directly into Magnus ones.

"It works similar to your parabatei bond, but not quite the same. You do not have to worry about breaking the connection but …. It is a very painful spell. And I do not want to hurt you."

"Could it bring Jace back?" He sounded so hopeful, it nearly broke Magnus heart.

"It can help us find him, get a glimpse of their location. I am sorry that is all that comes to mind right now."

Shaking his head lightly Alec tried a small smile.

"Every tiny little thing could help. If it helps getting Jace back, I will endure any pain."

Magnus knew he would get such an answer or a similar one. And to be honest he did not want to think about what those words could mean if he looked deeper into their meaning. So before he could do so, he decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Okay." Giving Alec's hand a last reassuring squeeze, he withdraws from his hand and walked with determined steps back into the loft.

"Then let's get started. I need you to activate your parabatei rune for the spell to work. And I need visual contact to your rune. So shirt off and lie down on the couch, please."

When Magnus turned back to his Shadowhunter, he saw that Alec was blushing.

"And I am not saying this because I want so examine your breathtaking abs. Also it is a little bonus."

It was an attempt to lighten the mood, and against his hopes it was working because there was a tiny little smile gazing Alec's lips.

Shaking his head fondly, Alec also made his way back inside the loft towards the couch while taking off his jacket. When he laid it over the chair that stood nearby, he hesitated only a moment before he gripped the seam of his shirt and in one swift movement pulled it over his head and it followed his jacked on the chair.

He did not look at Magnus. When he would, he knew he would see that the warlock was staring at him, eyes filled with hunger and adoration. And he knew he would lose his nerve and put the shirt back on right away.

Taking out his stele, the dark haired Shadowhunter laid down on the couch, already raising his stele to activate his rune when Magnus concern filled voice stopped him.

"You are sure about this." It was more a statement than a question.

With a quick nod from Alec, Magnus called upon his magic, his hands quickly got surrounded by the blue sparkling flame.

Taking a deep breath Alec raised his stele towards his rune, activating it. And the moment Magnus spoke the words of the spell in a language that Alec did not understand, he was caught in a world of pain, his stele falling out of his hand and onto the ground. He bit his lip hard trying to prevent himself from screaming as the pain raked through his body.

He tried to see something through the heavy clouds of anguish, to get a glimpse of something that could help them find Jace. But he saw nothing. Nothing but darkness, and felt nothing but fear, ice cold fear and pain.

The Shadowhunter felt his heartbeat quicken, dangerously fast. His breath was only coming in short gasps like he could not get enough air into his lungs.

He heard someone scream, but he was not sure if it was him or someone else.

"Alexander!"

And suddenly Alec could breathe again. Opening his eyes he looked up, only to find Magnus dark brown eyes looking directly at him, filled with so much love and worry it nearly broke Alec's heart.

The Shadowhunter took a shuddering breath. His skin tickled where Magnus skin was touching his. One of the warlocks warm hands was placed on Alec's chest, right over his racing heart, the other lay strong over his Parabatei rune, making the pain disappear.

Alec's breath came stuttering and with every breath he took his chest pushed into Magnus hands, those deep brown eyes never leaving his. Searching for any trace of pain, discomfort or unease, ready to take his hands back should the Shadowhunter wish for it.

His whole attention was on Alec and Alec alone. He could see Magnus lips moving, speaking, probably asking if he was okay or if he could get a glimpse on anything. But he could not hear one word. Alec's eyes shifted from the warlock's eyes to his lips and in this moment all Alexander could think was "fuck it."

Without waiting a moment longer, Alec reached with his hand for Magnus. Sliding his hand behind the others neck he pulled the warlock down the same moment Alec pushes himself up, meeting the Warlock halfway.

The moment Alec's lips touched those of the warlock, he had to fight to keep from moaning out loud. Oh by the angel those lips. He had dreamed about them, longed to touch them again, craved for Magnus taste.

And when Magnus hand slide from his Parabatei rune over his naked stomach, joining the other on his chest and sliding further up to his neck, he lost the fight. A loud moan broke free from his throat and all he could do was drag Magnus even further down.

It was like everything clicked into place in this very moment. Why had the Shadowhunter denied himself this for so long? How could anything that felt so right be wrong? It couldn't.

It was like he could finally breathe again, with Magnus soft lips against his own. His heart beat faster than before and he had to breathe through his nose, not wanting to end the connection between them. Alec let out a gasp when he felt the tip of Magnus tongue at his lip, giving the warlock the chance to enter his mouth.

They both moaned when Magnus tongue was exploring the young man's mouth, tentative strokes, as if afraid to take it too far. And all Alec could do was hold onto the man in his arms.

He did not know who moved first, or how they moved at all but when the need for air became too strong and he had to part from Magnus for a deep breathe, they were sitting on the couch. Alec with his back pressed against the back of the couch with Magnus in his lap, straddling him.

The arms of the Shadowhunter had found his way around the warlock's waist. One holding him close, pressing Magnus flush against his bare chest, while the other cradled his neck giving him not much space to move away from him.

Magnus hands were both in Alec's hair, holding on, guiding him through the kiss.

When they separated both opened their eyes looking deep into the other ones and breathing heavy. On heartbeat, two, and Alec dove back in. His hands moved from Magnus back further down continuing their journey to his sides and hesitantly started to move under the hoodie, desperately wanting to touch the others skin.

When his fingertips glided over the heated skin, Magnus moaned, pressing himself into the touch. By Lilith this Shadowhunter would be the dead of him. He knew Alec was not experienced in this department at all, but the lack of experience was replaced with so much determination it was heavenly.

When Alec's hands started to move up on his sides, a loud ringing sound destroyed this moment between them.

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And cut, for now. Ouuu who is disturbing this wonderful moment between them. Tell me that you think.

Oh guys it is sooo unfair. I was so happy about 20 weeks with Shadowhunter episodes at a stretch … and now they are going to split it in two parts with a break between those parts … lets hope that it will not be TOO long.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone, thank you for your comments. And here is the last part of this story. Another one finished yay ^^. Enjoy.

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Chapter 3

Startled by the sudden noise Alec drew back, looking slightly out of it. He had to blink a few times as if to clear his head. And when he realized that this noise was his phone ringing, he took a hand back to slip his phone out of his pocked, tacking a quick look at who was talking before answering.

"Hello?" Dammit he still sounded out of breath.

"Alec? It's Izzy, where are you?"

She was talking so loud Magnus could still hear her, and moved back a bit to give Alec space.

"I am … um … out, searching for Jace. Why? What is it?"

He looked back into Magnus face now, which could have been a mistake because his concentration began lacking, his focus switching from the phone call back to the warlock in his lap.

"You need to get back to the institute. Victor has called in a meeting in 30 minutes. You have to make it back until then. Are you okay? You sound rather out of breath?"

And now she sounded concerned.

"I am fine Izzy, really. I will be back in 20 minutes, promise."

"Okay big brother. Just be careful, I will see you then."

"Yeah, see you later."

When Alec ended the call, he looked away from Magnus.

"So um … that was Izzy. I need to get back to the institute." He looked apologetic. Like he did not want to go back at all. But he had to, Magnus knew that. So with a reassuring smile on his face he started to get off Alec's lap, standing.

"It's okay. I understand. The situation is tense I know. Here." He snapped his fingers once and Alec's shirt and jacked appeared in them, holding them for the Shadowhunter to take them.

Alec smiled a little queer at him, but took the shirt first to pull it over his head again. Then reaching for the jacket to pull it swiftly over. They stood like this for a moment, neither of them speaking, not knowing what to say.

"So I … I will …. See you later?" It sounded hopeful. And Magnus could only smile and nod.

"Yeah. I am here. I will always be here when you need me. Just call or come here. Anytime is fine."

The Shadowhunter nodded, smiling a bit himself before he turned around and took a few steps towards the exit. When he stopped.

This was crazy, but he could not help it.

When he turned back around he saw the warlock raising his eyebrows in question.

"Magnus could you …. I mean would you …. Would you create a portal for me to get back to the institute?" It sounded uncertain. Like he was not sure if he was even allowed to ask such a question. Demanding the warlock to use his powers for him.

And Magnus was confused, and a bit hurt. Of cause Alec wanted to get back to the institute as soon as possible. And he had no right to be angry about it. He should he happy that he could have this moment with Alexander. So he tried to smile and said. "Of cause I will. Whenever you want me to. But why …"

"Great." Magnus did not even have the chance to finish his question when the Shadowhunter interrupted him with this one word. And before Magnus could comprehend what was happening, Alec took the steps back towards him and kissed him again, hard.

And this time it was Magnus that let out a loud moan, closing his eyes to swell in that moment.

He found Alec's arms around his waist again, pushing him back against this muscular chest, holding him close.

He barely registered Alec's words when he let go of his lips for a few seconds.

"15 more minutes." Before Alec dove back in and kissed the warlock with so much passion that Magnus felt his knees go weak. This could not be normal, Alec thought. He never was the type for physical touches with another person, expect Izzy and Jace. But this was different. When he kissed Magnus for the first time, he got a taste of what he could have. And he wanted, oh so much. And once started, it was like he could not stop kissing this wonderful man that made him loose his breath, his heart beat faster and his skin tingle.

Magnus heart was swelling with happiness as he registered and understood the words and heir meaning.

He did asked for the portal to get back to the institute faster, but only because he wanted to spent a bit more time with Magnus. And the warlock could not be happier.

He felt himself guided backwards until his back collided with the nearest wall. Alec's strong body caging him and pressing against him all the way.

BONUS – Back at the institute

When Alec arrived 22 minutes later at the institute Izzy was already there to welcome him, with a scowl on her face.

"Where were you? I was worried."

He wiped her concern away with one hand. And she took her time to really look at him.

"Are you okay? You look … flustered."

And he did, his hair was messier than it usually was, like someone had his hands running through them. His checks were covered with a very nice blush and his lips looked slightly swollen, kiss swollen Izzy realized. And she could not stop herself from grinning.

"You were with Magnus."

It was not a question, it was a statement, one Alec could not deny.

He looked around himself to check if someone heard them, and when he saw no one he gripped Izzy's arm gently and guided her into a more private corridor of the institute.

"If I ask you a question, will you simply answer me without making a fuss about it and without telling anybody? And without making fun of me?"

He was serious and she saw it. Her grin faded and she smiled gently at him. This was her brother opening up to her and she knew it. It was another sign of how much he trusted her and she would not disappoint him.

She nodded, smiling. "Of cause."

Alec looked away from her for a second, but Izzy remained quiet. She knew her brother was searching for the right words to express himself. And sometimes this took time.

"When you … is it normal that when you kissed someone once, that you have this …. This urge to do it again? And again … and again? That once you kiss them again you do not want to stop at all? It's like a … a …"

"Like a drug?" Izzy finished for him. An understanding and oh so happy smile on her lips.

Considering the word for a second Alec nodded.

"Yeah, like a drug." He breathed, as if he himself could not believe it.

Izzy had to swallow. She was happy for her brother. Even though he did not see it at the moment, she already did. Her big brother had fallen, hard.

So she nodded slowly.

"Yes, when it is with a person you l …. like very much. This is completely normal."

She did not want to say "love" because she knew that would unsettle her brother. He was not ready to accept that for himself, especially not in the chaos they were living in right now. But with time he would discover it for himself. And she would be there for him, whenever he needed her or her advice. And she wanted him to know this that he could always come to her without fearing to be laughed at.

The smile that was appearing on her brother's face showed her that she chose the right words to say. He looked happy, relieved. Something he did not since the day Jace went with Valentine.

"Thank you Izzy. And remember not one word to anyone."

She nodded. "Of cause big brother. And remember I am always here for you, whenever you need me."

Her words remembered him of Magnus. And his heart felt a bit lighter. He had people he could turn to, ask for help if he alone reached a dead end. And this knowledge made the whole situation easier.

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And that's it. The End. I hope you liked the last chapter. Thank you for staying with me till the end of this story. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. (oh hopefully we get something like this in the show two more month to wait ).


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